Pride can consume us. When it does, all we think about is ourselves and our own pain. Perhaps you can relate to this. Maybe you’ve encountered a wound and you sit and sulk over that wound. It creates bitterness in your heart and you seek to heal that wound. But when this happens, it is often our pride that leads us to remedy hurt through a form of revenge, anger or self-pity. We can even fool ourselves into thinking that our desire to solve our problem and rid ourselves of the hurt is justified by God. But if you are willing to let the Lord penetrate the inner secret of your soul, you will see that your motivation in many things is your wounded pride. This is not the solution. What is needed is Mercy. Mercy solves every problem. First, you must seek Mercy from God, then you must offer it unconditionally to others. There is no other way to resolve the hurt and confusion present in your soul. This is a hard lesson to learn, but necessary (See Diary #958).
What is it that motivates you? Perhaps you have some interior obsession that you can’t seem to shake. Perhaps it lingers in your mind day and night. Be attentive to this and identify it as your own sin. Do not hesitate to humble yourself to the fullest extent and do not be afraid to take ownership of the pain you feel. Pointing the finger at another does not heal and does not remedy anything. We are solely responsible as a result of our pride. Seeing this is a grace of the Lord’s mysterious and unfathomable Mercy.
Lord, I cannot shake the anger, the hurt and the pain I feel at times. It is overwhelming and all-consuming, subtle and deceptive. But it is my sin, lurking within me drawing me from You, keeping me from true repentance. Lord, I do repent and I beg You to humble me so that I may love You with my whole being. Jesus, I trust in You.